Dva roky zp\u011bt. \u010cerven. T\u011bhotn\u00e1 jsem cca 9 t\u00fddn\u016f. Ok. To se je\u0161t\u011b ned\u00e1 br\u00e1t v\u00e1\u017en\u011b. Nebudu na to myslet 69 sekund za minutu. Nebudu \u0159v\u00e1t do pol\u0161t\u00e1\u0159e. Vlhkost tomu pe\u0159\u00ed v n\u011bm moc neprosp\u00edv\u00e1. A nebudu tomu v\u011bnovat pozornost. Jo. To d\u00e1m. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Co mou pozornost nakonec upout\u00e1v\u00e1, jsou nep\u0159edstaviteln\u011b intenzivn\u00ed, bez varov\u00e1n\u00ed zpoza rohu vyskakuj\u00edc\u00ed prudk\u00e9 k\u0159e\u010de v oblasti kone\u010dn\u00edku. Asi takhle: Putuju ob\u00fdv\u00e1kem. BUM. Vyt\u00edr\u00e1m svou bytost\u00ed podlahu v poloze embrya. Na t\u011ble studen\u00fd pot, hn\u00e1ty k\u0159iv\u00e9, tv\u00e1\u0159 t\u00e9\u017e. \u201cT\u00e1ta\u201d p\u0159i\u0161el z roboty. Chv\u00edli medituje nad t\u00edm zjevem. Pak m\u011b odn\u00e1\u0161\u00ed do vany a sprchuje teplou vodou. Tepl\u00e1 voda na m\u00edstech, kam si nevid\u00edm, zp\u016fsob\u00ed \u00fastup k\u0159e\u010de. N\u00e1sledn\u011b se op\u011bt dok\u00e1\u017eu sama ovl\u00e1dat, vyl\u00e9zt z vany a myslet. \u201cCo to dopr* bylo?\u201d Jestli m\u011b n\u011bco v posledn\u00edch letech FAKT p\u0159ekvapilo, tak tohle. Akce se b\u011bhem dne zopakuje je\u0161t\u011b asi tak 3x. J\u00e1 m\u00e1m jasno. Porod je proti tomuhle welness\/SPA. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Druh\u00fd den se nech\u00e1m prohl\u00eddnout prim\u00e1\u0159em gynekologicko-porodnick\u00e9ho odd\u011blen\u00ed. Osobn\u011b. D\u016fkladn\u011b. Je mi jedno, v jak\u00e9 d\u00ed\u0159e mi nakonec najde toho zlomysln\u00edka, co mi tohle zp\u016fsobuje. Chci ho jen naj\u00edt a ztrestat a hlavn\u011b (HLAVN\u011a!) a\u0165 u\u017e se to nikdy neopakuje! Kontrola je fakt d\u016fkladn\u00e1. P\u0159ipad\u00e1m si, jak pa\u0161er\u00e1k kokainu na leti\u0161ti v Bol\u00edvii. Nakonec je tam jen to d\u00edt\u011b. Tv\u00e1\u0159\u00ed se nejspokojen\u011bji, jak to jen dev\u00edtit\u00fddenn\u00ed plod dok\u00e1\u017ee. Tak asi nasadit ho\u0159\u010d\u00edk a v p\u0159\u00edpad\u011b, \u017ee m\u011b to zas n\u011bkde chytne, sta\u010d\u00ed m\u00edt na krku cedulku s n\u00e1pisem \u201cOdneste m\u011b do nejbli\u017e\u0161\u00ed vany. Pus\u0165te horkou vodu. Dop\u0159ejte mi soukrom\u00ed. D\u00edky moc!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Po pro\u0161\u0165our\u00e1n\u00ed m\u00fdch t\u011bln\u00edch otvor\u016f si \u010dist\u00edm hlavu balen\u00edm rodiny na prodlou\u017een\u00fd v\u00edkend s rodinou m\u00e9ho mu\u017ee u jednoho pr\u00edma pivovaru a navazuj\u00edc\u00ed t\u00fdden s p\u0159\u00e1teli u rybn\u00edka Zv\u016fle nedaleko dal\u0161\u00edho pr\u00edma pivovaru. No pros\u00edm. \u010cek\u00e1m nejo\u010dek\u00e1van\u011bj\u0161\u00ed dovolenou roku a zrovna v takov\u00e9m stavu. Pe\u0161ek. Cestou \u0159e\u0161\u00edme, jestli TO rodin\u011b ozn\u00e1m\u00edme, kdy\u017e jsem t\u011bhotn\u00e1 zat\u00edm pon\u011bkud m\u00e1lo. Mu\u017e vy\u0159kne zcela logickou obavu, \u017ee pokud J\u00c1 nebudu p\u00edt pivo, stejn\u011b na to ka\u017ed\u00fd dojde. To d\u00e1v\u00e1 smysl. Ven s t\u00edm jdeme hned po ulo\u017een\u00ed holoty a zasednut\u00ed k hodokvasn\u00edmu stolu. Toti\u017e! Rodina, do kter\u00e9 jsem se hrd\u011b p\u0159ivdala, m\u00e1 velkou z\u00e1libu ve ve\u010dern\u00edm stolov\u00e1n\u00ed. Vlastn\u011b tomu m\u016f\u017eeme \u0159\u00edkat \u201cprasen\u00ed\u201d. V\u00edna, sekan\u00e1, klob\u00e1sky, pivo, b\u016f\u010dek a jin\u00e9 lahodnosti (\u010dlov\u011bku \u017eivot zp\u0159\u00edjem\u0148uj\u00edc\u00ed a \u017eivot ukracuj\u00edc\u00ed z\u00e1rove\u0148) prosyt\u00ed prostor kuchyn\u011b a v\u0161ichni se pak p\u0159i jejich konzumaci d\u016fstojn\u011b bav\u00ed. Tak tedy tuhle opulentn\u00ed hostinu zahajujeme zpr\u00e1vou u n\u00ed\u017e je\u0161t\u011b st\u00e1le sk\u0159\u00edp\u00e1m zuby. P\u0159ich\u00e1z\u00ed gratulace. Uji\u0161\u0165uji sv\u00e9 okol\u00ed o prozat\u00edmn\u00ed nem\u00edstnosti radostn\u00fdch projev\u016f. Zkr\u00e1tka proto, \u017ee je prost\u011b prozat\u00edm nesd\u00edl\u00edm. A zaslechnu n\u011bco m\u00e1lo o rouh\u00e1n\u00ed.
Tak hele. J\u00e1 jako ch\u00e1pu, \u017ee to tak n\u011bkdo m\u016f\u017ee br\u00e1t, ale j\u00e1 prost\u011b te\u010f nedok\u00e1\u017eu sk\u00e1kat nad\u0161en\u00edm, kdy\u017e jsem se s nad\u0161en\u00edm kone\u010dn\u011b po cel\u00e9 dlouh\u00e9 dob\u011b ledov\u00e9 cht\u011bla vrhnout do pr\u00e1ce. J\u00e1 samoz\u0159ejm\u011b to d\u00edt\u011b, prok\u00e1\u017ee-li \u017eivotaschopnost, p\u0159ijmu a budu milovat, jak v\u0161echny ostatn\u00ed. Jen se te\u010f pot\u0159ebuju drob\u00e1tko vyrouhat do pohody. Ok? Jsem k sob\u011b velmi velkorys\u00e1 a ohledupln\u00e1. A odm\u00edt\u00e1m si te\u010f cokoli vy\u010d\u00edtat. M\u00e1m se r\u00e1da. Vlasn\u011b i s t\u00edm mal\u00fdm vet\u0159elcem uvnit\u0159. Jo!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dva roky zp\u011bt. \u010cerven. T\u011bhotn\u00e1 jsem cca 9 t\u00fddn\u016f. Ok. To se je\u0161t\u011b ned\u00e1 br\u00e1t v\u00e1\u017en\u011b. Nebudu na to myslet 69 sekund za minutu. Nebudu \u0159v\u00e1t do pol\u0161t\u00e1\u0159e. Vlhkost tomu pe\u0159\u00ed v n\u011bm moc neprosp\u00edv\u00e1. A nebudu tomu v\u011bnovat pozornost. Jo. To d\u00e1m. Co mou pozornost nakonec upout\u00e1v\u00e1, jsou nep\u0159edstaviteln\u011b intenzivn\u00ed, bez varov\u00e1n\u00ed zpoza rohu…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-32","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-monoclanky"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=32"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":34,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32\/revisions\/34"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=32"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=32"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=32"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}