<\/p>\n\n\n\n
R\u00e1no vst\u00e1v\u00e1m odpo\u010dat\u00e1 a s dobrou n\u00e1ladou. Ten vtip s dvoj\u010daty m\u011b znovu pobavil hned p\u0159i procit\u00e1n\u00ed. Jak je mo\u017en\u00e9, \u017ee se \u010dtvrt\u00fdm d\u00edt\u011btem se ne a ne sm\u00ed\u0159it a s rizikov\u00fdmi dvoj\u010daty jsem nar\u00e1z v zenu, vysv\u011btlit nedok\u00e1\u017eu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Doma. Ve\u010dern\u00ed dr\u00e1mo na pl\u00e1tn\u011b. Do ponorky U-571 zat\u00e9k\u00e1. M\u00e1m z toho sledov\u00e1n\u00ed 5D z\u00e1\u017eitek. Odt\u00e9k\u00e1m taky. U\u017e zase. Tak tedy jedem prubnout bd\u011blost l\u00e9ka\u0159\u016f v na\u0161\u00ed porodnici. Prohl\u00eddky se postupn\u011b z\u00fa\u010dastn\u00ed t\u0159i b\u00edle opl\u00e1\u0161t\u011bn\u00ed jedinci, kte\u0159\u00ed na st\u0159\u00edda\u010dku hled\u00ed na obrazovku, jakoby tam prob\u00edhalo mistrovstv\u00ed sv\u011bta ve fotbale. Urputn\u011b hledaj\u00ed alespo\u0148 jeden obal mezi plody. Co\u017e jde blb\u011b, kdy\u017e tam fakt nen\u00ed. Z jejich t\u00f3nu se d\u00e1 usuzovat, \u017ee to je \u201cnot good\u201d. Tentokr\u00e1t se \u0161pit\u00e1ln\u00ed ubikaci nebr\u00e1n\u00edm. N\u011bco mi st\u0159\u00edl\u00ed do \u017e\u00edly, n\u011bco polyk\u00e1m. Nev\u00edm. A je mi to jedno. Jdu sp\u00e1t. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Probouz\u00edm se o rok star\u0161\u00ed. Jestli sem nenapochoduje prim\u00e1\u0159 s dortem a zp\u00edvaj\u00edc\u00edm ch\u00f3rem sest\u0159i\u010dek s frka\u010dkama, tak to budou p\u011bkn\u011b trapn\u00e9 narozeniny. M\u00edsto toho hned po b\u00edl\u00e9 k\u00e1v\u011b vch\u00e1z\u00ed ciz\u00ed l\u00e9ka\u0159. Sly\u0161el, \u017ee m\u00e1m mono-mono dvoj\u010data a r\u00e1d by se na to taky mrknul. No ov\u0161em. U\u017e mi do d\u011blohy nenahl\u00e9dla jen pan\u00ed ukl\u00edze\u010dka s madam vr\u00e1tnou (a\u010dkoli jist\u00e1 si t\u00edm nejsem), tak co by se taky nekouknul. Jezd\u00ed po b\u0159ichu chladiv\u00fdm kluz\u00e1kem, hled\u00ed na monitor. A mluv\u00ed. Dost z\u0159eteln\u011b: \u201cNo fakt, to je \u00fapln\u011b cel\u00e9 \u0161patn\u011b. \u00dapln\u011b \u0161patn\u00fd t\u011bhotenstv\u00ed, tohle. A\u010dkoli! Ne. Te\u010f se mi zd\u00e1lo, \u017ee je tam aspo\u0148 jeden obal mezi nimi, ale ne. No, tak to nem\u00e1 smysl. Tak nashle!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
AU. Jakkoli se to zd\u00e1 nemo\u017en\u00e9, za\u010dala jsem se po jeho odchodu sm\u00e1t. Jako v\u00e1\u017en\u011b? Tohle mu p\u0159ipad\u00e1 v pohod\u011b? B\u00fdt tady v\u011bt\u0161ina jin\u00fdch matek, co nejsou tak vnit\u0159n\u011b mrtv\u00e9, jako jsem evidentn\u011b j\u00e1, tak te\u010f bul\u00ed do pol\u0161t\u00e1\u0159e a mo\u017en\u00e1 vyzvrac\u00ed i tu b\u00edlou k\u00e1vu (co\u017e by ale nemuselo b\u00fdt nutn\u011b v d\u016fsledku n\u00e1hl\u00e9ho stresu). Pro\u010d? Cht\u011bl mi d\u00e1t (NE!)taktn\u011b najevo, jak se m\u00e1m ohledn\u011b t\u011bhotenstv\u00ed rozhodnout? Nebo nesly\u0161el, \u017ee sv\u016fj ment\u00e1ln\u00ed pr\u016fjem prezentuje? Mo\u017en\u00e1 mu automat v hale r\u00e1no vydojil kafe bez cukru, co\u017e ho rozmrzelo. Nev\u00edm. Ale m\u00e1m neodvratnou chu\u0165 nakopnout ho do kotn\u00edk\u016f. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
P\u0159ich\u00e1z\u00ed vizita. Na prvn\u00ed pohled je zjevn\u00e9, \u017ee v pr\u016fvodu chyb\u00ed dort, frka\u010dky i d\u00e1rky. U\u017e na prvn\u00ed poslech je v\u0161ak jasn\u00e9, \u017ee jsem p\u0159ehl\u00e9dla dar nejv\u011bt\u0161\u00ed. Svobodu! Ano! Nev\u011bd\u00ed, co by se mnou d\u00e1l d\u011blali, tak dostanu na rozlou\u010denou krabi\u010dku Utrogestanu na dom\u00e1c\u00ed mls\u00e1n\u00ed! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Koloto\u010d gynda\u0159sk\u00fdch audienc\u00ed se rozt\u00e1\u010d\u00ed. Po t\u00e9, co vlastn\u00ed l\u00e9ka\u0159ku p\u0159esv\u011bd\u010d\u00edm, \u017ee mi t\u011bhotenstv\u00ed nerozmluv\u00ed, profesion\u00e1ln\u011b vyp\u00ed\u0161e t\u011bhotensk\u00fd pr\u016fkaz a bez \u0161petky despektu \u0159e\u0161\u00ed, co se mnou d\u00e1l. D\u00edky za to. Budu p\u0159id\u011blena do rizikov\u00e9 poradny ke krajsk\u00e9mu perinatologovi Dr. Humlovi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Huml? Haha. Vzpom\u00edn\u00e1te si, jak Mach s \u0160ebestovou nav\u0161t\u00edvili prav\u011bk a jako suven\u00fdr si dom\u016f vzali \u017eivouc\u00ed expon\u00e1t \u010dlov\u011bka neandrt\u00e1lsk\u00e9ho? Obrovsk\u00fd zarostl\u00fd hromotluk s prackama, jak trojky vidle a zcela pochopitelnou absenc\u00ed slu\u0161n\u00e9ho chov\u00e1n\u00ed. D\u011blal jim pak \u0161koln\u00edka. V\u00edme? Tak to byl pan Huml. \u010cili\u017ee, p\u0159ed prvn\u00ed n\u00e1v\u0161t\u011bvou jde m\u00e1 p\u0159edstavivost do slu\u0161n\u00fdch ot\u00e1\u010dek. Tedy zhruba do t\u00e9 chv\u00edle, ne\u017e vstoup\u00edm na vy\u0161et\u0159ovnu. P\u00e1ni! \u017divouc\u00ed expon\u00e1t! A nepochybuju, \u017ee st\u00e1l p\u0159edlohou i samotn\u00e9mu Adolfu Bornovi, kdy\u017e sv\u00e9mu \u010dlov\u011bku neandrt\u00e1lsk\u00e9mu vtisknul pr\u00e1v\u011b tuhle podobu. Jako ze \u0161koln\u00edka na gynda\u0159e, to je docela dobr\u00fd kari\u00e9rn\u00ed progres. Zat\u00edmco mi hlavou let\u00ed vt\u00edpky, sly\u0161\u00edm, \u017ee u\u017e i mluv\u00edm. Sm\u00edchu v lebce navzdory ze m\u011b leze klasick\u00fd uv\u00edtac\u00ed small talk. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Na rozd\u00edl od zevn\u011bj\u0161ku se v\u0161ak ve vystupov\u00e1n\u00ed ti dva Humlov\u00e9 nem\u016f\u017eou li\u0161it v\u00edc. P\u0159\u00edjemn\u00fd, klidem zav\u00e1n\u011bj\u00edc\u00ed hlas navod\u00ed dojem, \u017ee je v\u0161e, jak m\u00e1. Ani zm\u00ednka o mo\u017en\u00e9m um\u011bl\u00e9m potratu. Za co\u017e jsem vd\u011b\u010dn\u00e1. \u010clov\u011bku to dok\u00e1\u017ee ud\u011blat hned lep\u0161\u00ed den, kdy\u017e nemus\u00ed dal\u0161\u00edmu doktorovi vysv\u011btlovat sv\u00e9 d\u016fvody k odm\u00edtnut\u00ed interrupce. A \u0161et\u0159\u00ed to i \u010das. A hlasivky. A spoustu du\u0161evn\u00ed pohody. Pan doktor je s chov\u00e1n\u00edm m\u00fdch t\u0159\u00edm\u011bs\u00ed\u010dn\u00edch d\u011bt\u00ed prozat\u00edm spokojen. R\u00e1d by ale, abych si ud\u011blala v\u00fdlet do Prahy. Jen tak. A\u0165 si v Podol\u00ed taky p\u0159em\u011b\u0159\u00ed m\u016fj interi\u00e9r. P\u0159ipad\u00e1m si, jak nositelka p\u0159\u00ed\u0161t\u00edho Dalajl\u00e1my. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kdy\u017e je holk\u00e1m 17 (t\u00fddn\u016f), je na \u010dase uk\u00e1zat jim kr\u00e1sy hlavn\u00edho m\u011bsta. Praha je \u010dasn\u011b zr\u00e1na v\u00e1\u017en\u011b okouzluj\u00edc\u00ed. \u00dasm\u011bvem zdrav\u00edm \u010dist\u00edc\u00ed vozy, probouzej\u00edc\u00ed se lo\u010fky, zamilovan\u00e9 p\u00e1ry labut\u00ed i hejna holub\u016f vyzob\u00e1vaj\u00edc\u00ed kol\u00e1\u010de blij\u00e1nk\u016f po n\u011bkom, komu bylo v\u010dera hodn\u011b dob\u0159e, ne\u017e mu za\u010dalo b\u00fdt tuze zle. A pak u\u017e se p\u0159ede mnou ty\u010d\u00ed pal\u00e1c jeho\u017e st\u0159echu nadn\u00e1\u0161\u00ed spousta soch mal\u00fdch d\u011bt\u00ed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00dastav pro p\u00e9\u010di o matku a d\u00edt\u011b. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To u\u017e v pouh\u00e9m n\u00e1zvu slibuje mnohem v\u00edc, ne\u017e oby\u010dejn\u00e1 \u201cporodnice\u201d. Je p\u0159\u00edjemn\u00e9 si p\u0159edstavit, \u017ee jdete n\u011bkam, kde o v\u00e1s budou pe\u010dovat. Mlad\u00e1 l\u00e9ka\u0159ka holk\u00e1m m\u011b\u0159\u00ed snad i vzd\u00e1lenost obo\u010d\u00ed. Je d\u016fkladn\u00e1. To je asi fajn. Pak bere telefon: \u201cNo \u00e1h\u00f3j, prosimt\u011b, m\u00e1m tu mono-mono a malou prosbi\u010dku bl\u00e1 bl\u00e1 n\u011bco\u2026..no n\u00e9\u00e9!\u2026.kdyby! Ale tohle je jej\u00ed \u010dtvrt\u00fd!\u2026.to mi pov\u00eddej\u2026..hahaha\u2026.hahaha\u2026.nepochop\u00ed\u0161. Jo. Tak d\u00edk. \u010cau.\u201d Napad\u00e1 m\u011b, \u017ee n\u011bkde v u\u010debnici l\u00e9ka\u0159sk\u00e9 etiky si musel autor ze student\u016f o\u0161kliv\u011b vyst\u0159elit. Asi takhle: \u201csubjekt s vyhrnut\u00fdm trikem = subjekt se \u0161punty v u\u0161\u00edch\u2026amputovan\u00fdm mozkem\u201d Tak n\u011bco. Zat\u00edmco l\u00e9ka\u0159ka klape do po\u010d\u00edta\u010de, m\u016fj p\u0159ekvapen\u00edm strnul\u00fd v\u00fdraz se zdvi\u017een\u00fdm obo\u010d\u00edm zaznamen\u00e1v\u00e1 sest\u0159i\u010dka. Hutn\u00e9 ticho vypl\u0148uje n\u011bjak\u00fdmi slovy. Zd\u00e1 se mi, \u017ee alespo\u0148 j\u00ed do\u0161lo, \u017ee i vesanka z Moravy rozum\u00ed pra\u017e\u0161tin\u011b. Mo\u017en\u00e1 j\u00ed je z toho i malinko trapn\u011b. Ale nechci si d\u011blat iluze. Tak snad sbohem. Vch\u00e1z\u00edm do \u010dek\u00e1rny. Vzpom\u00edn\u00e1m na nezvan\u00e9ho doktora, co mu p\u0159ipadalo moje t\u011bhotenstv\u00ed cel\u00e9 \u0161patn\u011b a \u0159\u00edk\u00e1m si: \u201cVy dva se vezm\u011bte. Fakt!\u201d Holky kopou prv\u00ed ligu. \u201cNebojte, takov\u00e1 n\u00e1na n\u00e1m n\u00e1ladu nezkaz\u00ed. Ale v\u00edm p\u0159esn\u011b, co n\u00e1m ji m\u016f\u017ee vylep\u0161it.\u201d Sushi! Mlsn\u00e1 m\u011b hon\u00ed u\u017e od v\u010dera. A dohnala m\u011b. B\u011bhem m\u00e9ho b\u011bhu na n\u00e1dr doslova nar\u00e1\u017e\u00edm na Lidl s Family sushi boxem v akci. N\u00e1hoda? Ani n\u00e1hodou! A jeliko\u017e je m\u00e1 family aktu\u00e1ln\u011b cca 339,9 km ode m\u011b, budu to muset zvl\u00e1dnout sama. A kdy\u017e v ni\u010dem jin\u00e9m, tak v tomhle jsem fakt dobr\u00e1.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
R\u00e1no vst\u00e1v\u00e1m odpo\u010dat\u00e1 a s dobrou n\u00e1ladou. Ten vtip s dvoj\u010daty m\u011b znovu pobavil hned p\u0159i procit\u00e1n\u00ed. Jak je mo\u017en\u00e9, \u017ee se \u010dtvrt\u00fdm d\u00edt\u011btem se ne a ne sm\u00ed\u0159it a s rizikov\u00fdmi dvoj\u010daty jsem nar\u00e1z v zenu, vysv\u011btlit nedok\u00e1\u017eu. Doma. Ve\u010dern\u00ed dr\u00e1mo na pl\u00e1tn\u011b. Do ponorky U-571 zat\u00e9k\u00e1. M\u00e1m z toho sledov\u00e1n\u00ed 5D z\u00e1\u017eitek. Odt\u00e9k\u00e1m…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-41","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-monoclanky"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=41"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41\/revisions\/45"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=41"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=41"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=41"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}