<\/p>\n\n\n\n
7. \u201cpatro\u201d porodnice. V pom\u011bru asi jako t\u0159e\u0161ni\u010dka ku dortu. Vlastn\u011b sp\u00ed\u0161 2 k+k na st\u0159e\u0161e, do kter\u00e9ho se nasoukaj\u00ed a\u017e 4 matky, jim\u017e se d\u011bti teprv \u201cdop\u00e9kaj\u00ed\u201d o p\u00e1r pater n\u00ed\u017e. Tak\u017ee! \u0160up tam se mnou. B\u011bhem dvou dn\u00ed m\u00e1me plno. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sm\u00edchejte 4 nejv\u00edc rozd\u00edln\u00e9 matky, jak\u00e9 si jen dok\u00e1\u017eete p\u0159edstavit, p\u0159idejte podobn\u00e9 p\u0159ed\u010dasn\u011b porodn\u00ed z\u00e1\u017eitky a d\u011bti v podobn\u00fdch term\u00ednech narozen\u00ed. Chvilku to poduste, nechte cca dva m\u011bs\u00edce ule\u017eet\u2026a m\u00e1te na stole dokonalou sebepe\u010duj\u00edc\u00ed terapeutickou skupinku. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
M\u00ed\u0161a (matka-za\u010d\u00e1te\u010dn\u00edk, kosmeti\u010dka-prof\u00edk) se n\u00e1m postarala o na\u0161e fas\u00e1dy a p\u0159edv\u00e1no\u010dn\u011b vykr\u00e1sn\u011bn\u00e9 vyr\u00e1\u017e\u00edme na sva\u0159\u00e1k. \u010cerstv\u00fd kysl\u00edk spolu s endorfiny vyplaven\u00fdmi b\u011bhem b\u011bhu ze sedmi pater zp\u016fsob\u00ed, \u017ee opile p\u016fsob\u00edme u\u017e p\u0159i cest\u011b tam. \u0158echt\u00e1me se, jak hejno zdivo\u010del\u00fdch puber\u0165a\u010dek. Co je? Slav\u00edme \u0161estined\u011bl\u00ed! Mimo m\u011b jsou v\u0161echny holky prvomatky, tak se jim ned\u00e1 vy\u010d\u00edst, \u017ee o slaven\u00ed \u0161estined\u011bl\u00ed nic nev\u00ed. Moje teorie se ale u\u010d\u00ed pozoruhodn\u011b rychle. Tak si ta moudra ani ne\u00fa\u010dtuju.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kdo jsme? \u201cMatky!\u201d Co n\u00e1s to mus\u00ed? \u201cBavit!\u201d Jak\u00e9 nebudeme? \u201cHnusn\u00e9!\u201d A!? \u201cNudn\u00e9!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
T\u00e9m\u011b\u0159 dvoum\u011bs\u00ed\u010dn\u00ed j\u00edzda. Sm\u00edch, a\u017e v\u00e1m rupou stehy\u2026jindy slzy a sopel na \u017eupanu, kdy\u017e m\u00e1 spolubydla (nebo jej\u00ed potomek) zrovna hor\u0161\u00ed den. Zasoplen\u00e9 hadry od podzimu do jara jsou na\u0161t\u011bst\u00ed u\u017e n\u011bkolik let mou pracovn\u00ed uniformou, tak\u017ee tohle m\u011b fakt neur\u00e1\u017e\u00ed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kdy\u017e se d\u011btem zrovna neda\u0159\u00ed, m\u016f\u017eete z toho vyt\u0159\u00edskat to, \u017ee si aspo\u0148 uv\u011bdom\u00edte ty podstatn\u00e9 c\u00edle. Zkr\u00e1tka. Ve chv\u00edli, kdy \u0159e\u0161\u00edte p\u0159e\u017eit\u00ed, p\u0159est\u00e1v\u00e1te se tolik tr\u00e1pit kup\u0159\u00edkladu s vlasov\u00fdmi odrosty, d\u011bln\u00edky co z le\u0161en\u00ed denn\u011b \u010dum\u00ed \u0161kv\u00edrou v zata\u017een\u00fdch \u017ealuzi\u00edch, nemocni\u010dn\u00ed stravou, koj\u00edc\u00edmi ne\u00fasp\u011bchy\u2026a to je dost osvobozuj\u00edc\u00ed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To m\u00e1te tak. Kdy\u017e v\u00e1m z t\u011bla vyjmou nedono\u0161ence, nab\u011bhnou na v\u00e1s lakta\u010dn\u00ed poradkyn\u011b, aby se v\u00e1m n\u00e1hodou nestalo, \u017ee hod\u00edte flintu i s kojen\u00edm do \u017eita. Nebo\u0165 savec zat\u00edm nesaje. A kdy\u017e jim prozrad\u00edte sm\u011bl\u00fd pl\u00e1n odej\u00edt s pln\u011b tandemov\u011b kojen\u00fdmi dvoj\u010daty (jeliko\u017e 3 p\u0159edchoz\u00ed d\u011bti jste odkojila do roku a p\u016fl a va\u0161e dom\u00e1cnost ani kojeneckou l\u00e1hev neobsahuje), tuze v\u00e1s za to chv\u00e1l\u00ed. Pak si p\u00e1r t\u00fddn\u016f u\u017e\u00edv\u00e1te orgie s ods\u00e1va\u010dkou a k tomu se sna\u017e\u00edte narvat t\u011bm gum\u00eddk\u016fm prso per oral. V\u00fdsledek? \u010ctvrthodinov\u00fd boj, kdy se mi koul\u00ed dv\u011b d\u011btsk\u00e9 hlavy a dv\u011b ml\u00e9kapln\u00e1 prsa po koj\u00edc\u00edm pol\u0161t\u00e1\u0159i a j\u00e1 nejsem schopn\u00e1 ty d\u00edlky spr\u00e1vn\u011b slo\u017eit na v\u00edce ne\u017e minutu. Poradkyn\u011b rad\u00ed. Ml\u00e9ko te\u010de. Jenom\u017ee v\u016fbec ne tam, kam m\u00e1. Pot a nervy te\u010dou taky. Jsem mokr\u00e1. Ulepen\u00e1. Frustrovan\u00e1. Nav\u00edc cel\u00fd tenhle proces a t\u00fdr\u00e1n\u00ed se starou ods\u00e1va\u010dkou evidentn\u011b zp\u016fsob\u00ed nactiutrh\u00e1n\u00ed sk\u0159\u00edtk\u016fm ml\u00e9kotv\u016frc\u016fm, kte\u0159\u00ed se n\u00e1sledn\u011b za\u010dnou v\u00edc fl\u00e1kat, ne\u017e produkovat. P\u0159ich\u00e1z\u00ed prvn\u00ed ochutn\u00e1vky um\u011bl\u00e9ho ml\u00e9ka. Interakce klesaj\u00edc\u00ed nab\u00eddky a popt\u00e1vky se zacykl\u00ed do spir\u00e1ly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nejvy\u0161\u0161\u00ed \u010das ty p\u016fvodn\u00ed vize p\u0159ehodnotit. Teda pokud nechci v porodnici oslavit i Velikonoce. Nechci. D\u011bkuji.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ta radost, kdy\u017e z fla\u0161ky ml\u00e9ko te\u010de, kam m\u00e1! Nedoch\u016fd\u010de p\u0159ib\u00edr\u00e1. Sonda do \u017ealudku r\u00e1zem sonduje odpad v ko\u0161i. A br\u00e1na z nemocnice se otev\u00edr\u00e1. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kojen\u00ed nevzd\u00e1v\u00e1m, jen u\u017e m\u00e1m mo\u017enost dokrmit ty dv\u011b i jinak. Zhltnut\u00ed cel\u00e9 vym\u011b\u0159en\u00e9 d\u00e1vky = vstupenka DOM\u016e. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Z lakta\u010dn\u00ed poradkyn\u011b se t\u00edmto m\u00fdm rozhodnut\u00edm st\u00e1v\u00e1 lakta\u010dn\u00ed psych\u00f3za. \u201cTo jste m\u011b teda zklamala, \u017ee to TAKHLE vzd\u00e1v\u00e1te.\u201d \u0158\u00edk\u00e1 n\u011bkdo, kdo m\u00e1 jedno, opakuji JEDNO dvan\u00e1ctilet\u00e9 d\u00edt\u011b, se kter\u00fdm je\u0161t\u011b nejsp\u00ed\u0161 st\u00e1le sp\u00ed v jedn\u00e9 posteli a koj\u00ed, kdy si \u0159ekne! Ale to u\u017e je \u010dist\u011b m\u00e1 soukrom\u00e1 domn\u011bnka. A jej\u00ed soukrom\u00e1 z\u00e1le\u017eitost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tuhle cul\u00edkatou lakta\u010dn\u00ed psych\u00f3zu bez ur\u00e1\u017eky odpru\u017e\u00edm. Pom\u00e1h\u00e1 mi p\u0159edstava, \u017ee uchop\u00edm jej\u00ed respir\u00e1tor, nat\u00e1hnu, co nejd\u00e1l to p\u016fjde a pust\u00edm\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I kdy\u017e to tak nevypad\u00e1, p\u0159e\u017evykovala jsem to dost dlouho a o m\u00e9m rozhodnut\u00ed se d\u00e1 \u0159\u00edct ledasco, jen ne to, \u017ee je lehkov\u00e1\u017en\u00e9. Tak\u017ee tak. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Odm\u011bnou je mi st\u011bhov\u00e1n\u00ed na tzv. \u201cpokoj\u00ed\u010dek\u201d. Je to vlastn\u011b takov\u00e1 samotka, kam v\u00e1s \u0161oupnou s odhadi\u010dkovan\u00fdmi potomky, abyste prok\u00e1zala, \u017ee a\u017e v\u00e1s za t\u0159i dny vykopnou do reality, dok\u00e1\u017eete je i nad\u00e1le sama udr\u017eovat p\u0159i \u017eivot\u011b. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Zvon\u00ed telefon. V m\u00e9 samot\u011b m\u011b chce asi n\u011bkdo pot\u011b\u0161it. Po mrzut\u00e9m rozhovoru s \u201clakta\u010dkou\u201d pot\u011bchu ocen\u00edm. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Vol\u00e1 kamar\u00e1dka. Pot\u0159ebuje poradit. Abychom si rozum\u011bli. Ona pot\u0159ebuje poradit mn\u011b. Konkr\u00e9tn\u011b, jak znovu nastartovat pln\u00e9 kojen\u00ed. C\u00edt\u00ed se b\u00fdt pro radu absolutn\u011b kompetentn\u00ed, proto\u017ee se j\u00ed samotn\u00e9 narodilo d\u00edt\u011b o m\u011bs\u00edc d\u0159\u00edv. Bylo to jej\u00ed jedin\u00e9 d\u00edt\u011b\u2026ale na tom asi nesejde, \u017ee? Jen zb\u011b\u017en\u011b: \u201cNejlep\u0161\u00ed je v\u00e1let se s d\u00edt\u011btem nah\u00e1 v posteli a b\u00fdt bd\u011bl\u00e1 a kojit zejm\u00e9na mezi 1:00 a 3:00 v noci, kdy je \u017eena nejv\u00edce produkce ml\u00e9ka schopn\u00e1. Kojit z\u00e1sadn\u011b v le\u017ee na boku\u2026 (dvoj\u010data??? Leda bych m\u011bla jedno z prsou cca 42cm dlouh\u00e9, co\u017e bohu\u017eel nem\u00e1m). Sp\u00e1t s miminama p\u0159es den. A ni\u010demu jin\u00e9mu, ne\u017e kojen\u00ed a span\u00ed se nev\u011bnovat. P\u0159ebyte\u010dn\u00e9 t\u0159i d\u011bti zkusit rozhodit t\u0159eba na \u010dty\u0159i t\u00fddny po rodin\u011b\u2026.\u201d Jako fakt? Opravdu mus\u00edm dotla\u010dit kojen\u00ed (doslova p\u0159es mrtvoly) a\u017e na piedestal? A co takhle, \u017ee by star\u0161\u00ed mal\u00e9 d\u011bti m\u011bly m\u00edt po dvou m\u011bs\u00edc\u00edch zase matku?\u2026a, \u017ee se pot\u0159ebuju v noci hlavn\u011b vyspat, abych dokon\u010dila den bez tvrd\u00fdch drog, nebo tvrd\u00fdch n\u00e1raz\u016f (n\u011bkter\u00e9 ze sedmi) hlav o ze\u010f?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Telefon\u00e1t jsem zvl\u00e1dla s hran\u00fdm klidem v hlase. A pak\u2026se mi rozsypal obraz\u2026prostor kolem se smrsknul a vytvo\u0159il fyzickou podstatu \u00fazkosti. Vztek. Na v\u0161echny, kte\u0159\u00ed se domn\u00edvaj\u00ed, \u017ee bych sv\u016fj \u017eivot m\u011bla zvl\u00e1dat l\u00edp. A p\u0159esn\u011b v\u011bd\u00ed jak. Dech ne\u0161el dovnit\u0159 ani ven. Progresivn\u00ed panickou ataku zastavil a\u017e dvan\u00e1ctistup\u0148ov\u00fd mr\u00e1z na le\u0161en\u00ed zak\u00e1zan\u00e9ho balkonu. Nebudu to rozmaz\u00e1vat. Je\u0161t\u011b bych dodate\u010dn\u011b obdr\u017eela d\u016ftku \u0159editele nemocnice za nepovolen\u00fd vstup. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
1:0 pro k\u00e1mo\u0161ku, kter\u00e1 m\u011b v dobr\u00e9 v\u00ed\u0159e knock-outovala. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jako takhle. Absolutn\u011b nezpochyb\u0148uju, \u017ee je pro \u010dlov\u011bka nejlep\u0161\u00ed narodit se p\u0159irozen\u011b a stejn\u011b p\u0159irozen\u011b nas\u00e1vat mate\u0159sk\u00e9 ml\u00e9ko do doby, dokud jsou s t\u00edm oba akt\u00e9\u0159i koj\u00edc\u00edho procesu v pohod\u011b. Z reakc\u00ed dne\u0161n\u00edch matek m\u00e1m ale \u010dasto pocit, \u017ee bychom nepln\u011b kojenou ob\u011b\u0165 c\u00edsa\u0159sk\u00e9ho \u0159ezu m\u011bli rad\u0161i rovnou zakopat pod zem. Beztak bude m\u00edt kompletn\u011b zni\u010den\u00fd \u017eivot, imunitu, identitu, integritu, sexualitu\u2026.co? M\u00e9 (jinak vskutku mil\u00e9!) bio-eko-lesano matky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
D\u00e1m v\u00e1m (a sob\u011b do budoucna P\u0158EDEV\u0160\u00cdM!) te\u010f na z\u00e1v\u011br jednu nevy\u017e\u00e1danou radu. Ano? Pokud n\u00e1s osoba, o kter\u00e9 se domn\u00edv\u00e1me, \u017ee pot\u0159ebuje poradit, v\u00fdslovn\u011b o radu nepo\u017e\u00e1d\u00e1, nera\u010fme. Pozn\u00e1me to tak, \u017ee ten \u010dlov\u011bk vyd\u00e1 zvuk, kter\u00fd zn\u00ed asi takhle: \u201cPros\u00edm t\u011b, m\u016f\u017ee\u0161 mi poradit?\u201d, nebo t\u0159eba takhle: \u201c j\u00e1 u\u017e fakt nevim, jak bys to ud\u011blala ty?\u201d Jestli z n\u011bj nic takov\u00e9ho neleze, nechme si radu na koledu. Pokud c\u00edt\u00edte p\u0159etlak, str\u010dte t\u0159eba hlavu do akv\u00e1rka a za\u0159v\u011bte to na ryby. N\u011bjak si pomo\u017ete. Pom\u016f\u017eete nejv\u00edc. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
7. \u201cpatro\u201d porodnice. V pom\u011bru asi jako t\u0159e\u0161ni\u010dka ku dortu. Vlastn\u011b sp\u00ed\u0161 2 k+k na st\u0159e\u0161e, do kter\u00e9ho se nasoukaj\u00ed a\u017e 4 matky, jim\u017e se d\u011bti teprv \u201cdop\u00e9kaj\u00ed\u201d o p\u00e1r pater n\u00ed\u017e. Tak\u017ee! \u0160up tam se mnou. B\u011bhem dvou dn\u00ed m\u00e1me plno. Sm\u00edchejte 4 nejv\u00edc rozd\u00edln\u00e9 matky, jak\u00e9 si jen dok\u00e1\u017eete p\u0159edstavit, p\u0159idejte podobn\u00e9 p\u0159ed\u010dasn\u011b…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-61","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-monoclanky"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/61","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=61"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/61\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":62,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/61\/revisions\/62"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=61"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=61"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/monoclanky.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=61"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}